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Wednesday, August 04, 2004

One Night In Paris Screen Caps

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Analyzing the Paris Hilton sex tape/reality TV phenomenon

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I used to hear about Paris Hilton fleetingly. She was at this premiere, or that event. Someone got a picture of her. But since she wasn’t actually in the industry, I never paid much attention. She didn’t act, she didn’t even model. She was just somebody’s daughter.

Now, of course, she’s the biggest news of anything. I actually saw her sex video because a publicist e-mailed it to me. You’ve got to love an industry where passing around pornography is considered research. And it legitimately is, because I would be terribly uninformed if I hadn’t seen the Paris Hilton sex tape.
The two and a half minute clip the made it online was an interesting sociological phenomenon. Some people worried that it showed a form of date rape, that Hilton was too out of it to really be consenting to sexual intercourse.


I didn’t find that to be the case at all. I think all rich people have sex in a daze, whether they’re on drugs, or just naturally out of it. They have no worries of responsibility, so why should they be aware of what their bodies are doing?

The thing is, I don’t even find Paris Hilton that hot. Of course she’s thin and has a good body, but so do all the women in straight to video erotic thrillers. She’s got the platinum blonde look that every other model or actress has. I happen to prefer brunettes, but even the blondes that are awe-inspiring – the Uma Thurmans, the Kate Bosworths, the Cameron Diazes, the Reese Witherspoons – have some unique look about them. Uma’s nose, Kate’s cheeks, Cameron’s smile, Reese’s overall cuteness. Paris Hilton is really just your average blonde.
My girlfriend was upset with me for watching the sex tape clip. I tried to explain to her that you simply had to watch it. It would be socially irresponsible not to. Besides, you don’t put anything on videotape if you don’t intend somebody to see it. If you really didn’t want anyone seeing you naked, high and fornicating, you wouldn’t break out the video camera. Since I’m not even that attracted to Hilton, it’s really just the mystique of somebody famous. She’s famous around the world, and now she’s available naked, so you should see it. What’s wrong with that logic? It’s the same as wanting to see anyone you know naked. If one of my journalist colleagues made a sex tape, I’d also want to see it, just because I know them. Even the ugly ones, I’d want to see just as a social thing.


Then there’s The Simple Life, the ridiculous high-concept reality series made before Paris Hilton’s infamy, that has benefited greatly from her sudden pornographic notoriety. Who really cares about seeing two rich brats forced to do manual labor? I guess there’s a perverse joy in seeing them suffer, but it’s just a gimmick. They go back to their sheltered lives, and the only one who gains is the network who sold millions of dollars in ad space because 20 million viewers wanted to see Paris Hilton shovel cow poop. To be fair, I’ve only seen little pieces of the show, usually the last minute or so when I’m waiting for 24 to start. But I don’t get it. The girls freak out because there’s a bug in the room and run around in their skimpy nighties. At least Newleyweds has irony. That Chicken of the Sea line is a word play. Simple Life looks like it’s just frantic hyper rich girls. But to each his own.

I guess the most baffling thing to me is that we’re so interested in someone who’s never done anything. Not that actors are the most worthwhile social contributors, but at least they create work that moves us. Even models do that somewhat. Paris Hilton has done nothing but be someone’s daughter. If she weren’t thin and blonde, would anyone still care? I guess by my earlier logic, they would want to see an ugly sex tape just on principle.

One Night In Paris - Review

Her camera-ready date for the evening is Rick Saloman, a Hollywood hanger-on and denizen of the Sunset Strip club scene. One wonders why Paris would throw down with such a (admittedly good-looking) cad who has such an obvious agenda. The 19-year-old heiress has an itch that Saloman is more than willing to scratch. 1 Night in Paris is like watching a surveillance video of the Hilton family's worst nightmare.

Paris' bald pussy puffs out as Rick slams his giant member into her tight hole. Night vision camerawork keeps it discreet as Saloman works her like a rented mule. Low points include breaks for meaningless dialogue, errant phone calls and garbled conversation, with a pouting Paris in front of the camera and mirror. Eventually Saloman gets Paris to recline on a nondescript bed and buries his face between her million dollar thighs, extracting an orgasm from her after a lengthy session of cunnilingus.

The finale showcases Ms. Hilton's blowjob talents. Paris works over Saloman - sucking him down to his balls, slathering his cock with spit. Paris jerks him to the finish, taking his load on her perky breasts.

Bonus scenes featuring Taylor Rain, Monica Sweetheart, Teagan and Randi Wright comprise two hours of top-flight Porn Valley hardcore worth more than an upgrade to the finest suite the Hiltons have to offer.

- AVN